Andreas Kuehn//Getty ImagesFrom your standpoint, there’s a lot to love about blowjobs. As the receiver, you get to sit back and relax, there’s no chance of pregnancy, and—let’s be honest—nothing feels quite as amazing wrapped around your penis as a warm, wet mouth. But have you ever wondered if the woman in your life likes giving blowjobs as much as your enjoy receiving them?
Fellatio has been happening for as long as humans have been around—in fact, there are references to it as long ago as classical Rome and ancient Egypt. It’s doubtful that women would have continued performing this act for centuries if they truly despised it.
Still, Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., a sexologist and host of the Mind-Blowing Oral video series, says there’s no intimate act that’s universally pleasurable. In other words, while some women may love giving head, others may not.
That said, O’Reilly notes that there are lots of legit reasons why oral sex can be just as pleasurable for the giver as it is for the receiver.
“It can be exciting to give your partner pleasure, so if you see that they’re enjoying themselves, that can be a turn-on,” she explains. “There’s also the balance between power and submission. You’re in control of their pleasure. You may be offering sweet, sensual sucking, but at any point, you could get rough—and some people like to play with the teasing component. Plus, you can weave any fantasy into the blowjob depending on your mood. And of course, some people simply love the sensations—the sounds, textures, and movements.”
Keep in mind that if your partner isn’t a fan of giving head, you’ll need to respect that. But if she seems open to it, experts say there are lots of ways to make blowjobs even more enjoyable for the woman in your life.
Here are some expert-approved tips that just might make the next blowjob experience feel—well, less like a job.
Witthaya Prasongsin//Getty ImagesGive plenty of positive feedback.
When someone’s cheering you on, or telling you what a great job you’re doing, it makes you feel good. Moreover, it makes you want to keep doing whatever that is. Blowjobs are no exception, fellas.
“Don’t hold your breath or stifle your sounds,” says O’Reilly. “Moans, groans, exhales, movements, smiles, and effusive verbal appreciation are a turn-on for so many people.”
Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator and resident sexologist for FrolicMe, adds that you can also combine dirty talk with verbal praise.
“Some women may like hearing, ‘my cock feels so good in your mouth,’ or ‘you look so hot when you suck my cock,’” she says.
Of course, dirty talk isn’t everyone’s *thing*—so it’s a good idea to ask your partner how she feels about it before spouting off a bunch of filthy phrases.
Make the conditions more comfortable.
Blowjobs can be hard work. Depending on what position the woman is in, her jaw might get tired, she might feel pressure on her knees, and her back might start to ache.
“You want her attention on your penis and not her sore knees or a limb that’s lost feeling,” says Dr. Miro Gudelsky, a sex therapist and intimacy expert with a PhD in human sexuality.
That’s why O’Reilly recommends asking what feels best for her. Does she want a pillow under her knees for support? Is it less physically taxing for her when you stand up or sit in a chair?
Making these adjustments is a win-win. The more comfortable you make her, the more pleasurable the experience will be for both of you—because she’ll be more inclined to stay down there longer.
Prioritize hygiene and grooming.
Look—we’re not saying your balls need to be bald, or your pubes need to be perfectly tapered. In fact, not every woman likes that, anyway.
Again, the best way to figure out what she likes is to just ask. Does she prefer when you’re smooth-shaven, or would she rather see you neatly trimmed?
Most women tend to appreciate when you’ve at least put a little effort into manscaping. Having a ton of prickly hairs brush against your face—or worse, get caught in your teeth—can definitely kill the vibe.
And while you’re doing some pruning down there, you may want to grab some mild soap, too. According to Weiss, it’s a good idea to wash your pubic area shortly before receiving oral sex, especially if you’ve recently been sweating.
“Make sure everything you want her to put in her mouth is funk free,” says Gudeksly. “In a pinch, you can even use wipes when you go to the bathroom pre-blowjob to keep things fresh.”
Always ask where you should finish.
If you’re fortunate enough to receive an amazing blowjob, Gudelsky says the least you can do is give her the courtesy of asking where you want to finish. It’s just the respectful thing to do.
“You may be surprised by the answer,” she adds. “But you definitely don’t want to surprise her when you explode.”
Some women may find it sexy if you finish in their mouth, while others may shudder at the thought. Find out ahead of time what your lady prefers so that when you’re getting close to the grand finale, you can just enjoy the orgasm rather than stressing about how to handle it.
Find out what makes it fun for her.
If you’re not sure what your lady enjoys during oral, just ask. As O’Reilly puts it: “Communication is lubrication.”
Are there certain words she likes to hear when going down on you? Would wearing a vibrating cock ring add to the experience for her? Maybe she wants you to lie still so she can control the depth of penetration—or maybe she likes to stay shallow with her mouth and use her hands at the same time, says O’Reilly. The point is, you’re not a mind reader, and asking these kinds of questions shows your partner that you care about making the experience more pleasurable for her.
“You can also encourage her to touch herself while she’s going down on you, or even to use a toy,” adds Weiss.
While you’re at it, O’Reilly also recommends finding out what she doesn’t like. If, for example, she hates feeling a hand on her head or cringes when you call her a “good girl,” that’s good information to have.
And there are certain factors that would take your blowjob up a notch—say, some playful spitting, a hand gently cupping or stroking your balls, or eye contact from your partner—don’t be afraid to ask. But be polite about it, and make sure your partner knows that she has the ultimate say.
“Make requests—not demands or complaints,” says O’Reilly.
Here's what 17 women had to say about why they like giving blowjobs.
Adene Sanchez//Getty Images"Because I like receiving, and it would be shitty of me to expect enthusiasm down there if I wasn't willing to go to town on a guy's junk myself." [via]
"Turns me on, makes me feel sexy. I love feeling a guy grow hard for me. I suppose its also a control thing." [via]
“I feel in control... but most importantly, I just love pleasing him. My boyfriend is currently working 65-70 hour weeks, manual labor. He’s exhausted when he comes home. He eats dinner, plays on the computer 30-45 minutes, then drags himself to bed. He’s doing all this so I don’t have to worry about working while I’m in school.
"So, a few times a week, he gets a BJ. He’s too tired for sex, but that release helps him sleep, and keep his stress levels in check. I occasionally get sex in the process but not like we used to. That’s ok. This season of our lives will be over soon, and things will get back to normal.” [via]
"Everything! I love pleasing a man. I love hearing him moan. I love being in control of his pleasure. I love insisting that he relax and let me do this! I love the feeling of him inside of me. I love feeling him grow as he becomes more excited! I love the intimate connection that we form. And I love the taste of cum." [via]
"It's intimate and deeply satisfying. I like the feeling of having a hard or soft penis in my mouth. It's fulfilling for me." [via]
"I love sucking it from softness to hardness. It's so exciting feeling it growing in my mouth." [via]
"I love hearing a man moan and cum because of what I'm doing to him...but the moans are the best part. It sucks when a man isn't vocal." [via]
"I always enjoyed the feeling of giving pleasure to my partner with oral, but only in the past few years did that grow into more of a serious kink. I only really watch blowjob porn. If I am thinking about sex, it is about blowjobs. If I am having sex, (not always but most of the time,) I am thinking about giving him head. It is pretty much my number one desire in the bedroom now. I love deep-throating the most and all the other frills that go with it. But light teasing sessions are also really great, the slow build up for both of us is very exciting. I have absolutely no idea why I like it so much, I just do, but I have never had any complaints so never really worried." [via]
"Guys tend to be quiet and reserved with most sex acts, except blowjobs. We get responsive as hell reactions from you in this activity more than any other with minimal effort or personal distraction. Makes a girl feel sexy, and as such more likely to want more. Theres also a sense of power." [via]
"We have you at our mercy." [via]
"Cum tastes amazing. There's something to be said about making a man quake when all you do is roll your tongue around and purr to make your mouth vibrate. I also love the fact that it drives him wild when I do it." [via]
"I've always hated blowjobs and refused to do it. The most recent guy I'm with has an amazing dick. Its so beautiful and looking at it makes my mouth water. I love how it feels in my mouth, how he swears when my mouth goes on him. He smiles so happily and it makes me happy for making him happy." [via]
Does penis size actually matter? Let's discuss:
"I'm a pleaser in the bedroom so it really turns me on when I know that I'm turning the guy on. I love preforming oral more than I like receiving it because of the reactions. I wanna see your head fall back, I wanna see your eyes close and open repeatedly, I wanna hear you moan and groan, I want you to tell me what to do and how to please you. Plus foreplay is my favorite part of sex. The simulation and knowing that someone enjoys what I'm doing to them. If my jaw didn't get so cramped easily, I'd do it for as long as the guy wants." [via]
"I used to find it very boring. I knew it should be fun, because you get to feel in control. But I didn't get that vibe.
"Then I realized: what's the point of a blowjob if he's not tied up?
"With a new kinkier lover I can't get enough of it. Get those limbs under control with some rope and there isn't anything stopping me from playing for a couple of hours before finally allowing relief :)" [via]
"Personally, I enjoy going down in my husband because I not only have control, I am also showing him in action just how much I love and appreciate him and everything he does for our family. I feel that head is a very intimate act, and it definitely helps get the point across.
"I also enjoy giving him a blowjob because it's a great stress reliever as well. I like knowing that he can come home to me and I can make his stress fall away with just one action. But most of all, when I take care of him, he always returns the favor. ;)" [via]
"The feeling of knowing my attention is solely concentrated on the most tender parts of him and he trusts me. The way he looks at me, the noises and movements he makes, knowing when he is going to orgasm and feeling this satisfaction that it's something we enjoy together. The fact he tastes amazing and it can be hot and slutty or sensual and slow. It's just the fucking best to be honest. And he knows I love it. Like I don't think I would ever say no to it because I just want him to feel that good because of me." [via]
"I like it because it's both dominating and submissive at the same time. I love the sounds he makes, and the way he grabs my hair. I love the way he feels in my mouth. He is so generous in making me feel good, that I like it doing it for him. And yes, I swallow." [via]
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