Nancy Putkoski, who was with Anthony Bourdain for twenty years, had a different approach to marriage than her internationally renowned ex-husband.
In the 2021 documentary "Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain," many of Anthony Bourdain's friends, family, and colleagues shared their stories about the late host. His first wife, Nancy Putkoski's absence was deeply felt.
However, the media-shy Vassar alum gave invaluable insight into their relationship by collaborating in an in-depth profile of her ex published in 2017. Details of her private life are scant, regulated to what the author shared in his writings and interviews.
Chef Anthony Bourdain on October 27 2003. | Source: Getty Images
Anthony Bourdain Followed Nancy Putkoski to College
Putkoski met her future "partner in crime," Bourdain, presumably at the private high school Dwight Englewood in northern New Jersey. The "No Reservations" host revealed in several interviews that he fell into a rough crowd during high school in the '70s.
He became infatuated with the "bad girl" of the group, Putkoski, who was a year ahead of him at school. As she readied to attend the prestigious Vassar College, her younger paramour opted to graduate high school early and enroll at the upstate New York institution.
The true extent of their romance is not documented, but anecdotes by the prolific author leave one to make some inferences. Bourdain was 17 when he became one of the first male Vassar students as the former female college became co-ed. He once said the predominantly female population of the college taught him the "way of the world."
Chef Anthony Bourdain does a cooking demonstration at the South Beach Food And Wine Festival on February 26, 2005, in Miami Beach, Florida. | Source: Getty Images
Nancy Putkoski and Anthony Bourdain Had a Quiet Domestic Life
It is unknown if Putkoski graduated from Vassar or what profession she followed after college. She moved in with Bourdain in a rent-controlled apartment in Riverside Drive, Manhattan, in 1978, and the couple tied the knot seven years later in 1985.
While Bourdain thrived on his first travel show, "Anthony Bourdain's a Cook's Tour, his wife was seen awkwardly hovering on the edges of the frame.
The future world traveler dropped out of college after two years to pursue his passion for cooking at the Culinary Institute of America, a short drive from Vassar. The chef talked openly about his addiction to hard drugs while working in various New York kitchens.
Anthony Bourdain in Sao Paulo, Brazil while filming “No Reservations" for the Travel Channel on February 1, 2007. | Source: Getty Images
Years later, he likened their relationship to the 1989 crime drama "Drugstore Cowboy," about a couple who rob pharmacies to feed their addiction. Bourdain explained:
"That kind of love and co-dependency and sense of adventure - we were criminals together. A lot of our life was built around that, and happily so."
Putkoski and her cook husband spent their evenings in relative domestic bliss watching "The Simpsons" while eating take-out. The couple's travel was limited to Caribbean vacations every few years.
Anthony Bourdain at the 2014 Creative Arts Emmy Awards, in Los Angeles, California. | Source: Getty Images
Nancy Putkoski Loathed Being on TV, and Bourdain's Fame Marked the End of Their Marriage
The married couple's life gradually shifted with the unexpected popularity of the chef's first memoir "Kitchen Confidential." Though he stayed in his kitchen job after the publishing of the best-seller in 2000, opportunities soon found him, which Putkoski did not support.
While Bourdain thrived on his first travel show, "A Cook's Tour," his wife was seen awkwardly hovering on the edges of the frame. Her husband said that she saw television as an "existential threat" to their union, and he felt like it opened up his world.
The newly minted TV star made moves to repair their relationship through cosmetic fixes on their apartment, where he now rarely slept. Ultimately, it came down to the fact that he was ambitious and she was not.
Musing about the breakdown of their marriage, Bourdain said that he was deeply curious to experience the world, while Putkoski, the star suspected, only "wanted him." She filed for divorce, which was granted in 2005.
In a 2017 New Yorker profile, Bourdain shared that due to the nature of his work, he was incapable of the "kind of care and feeding required of friends." He could not be relied on to remember a birthday, meaningful moments in a friend's life, or be around to hang out.
His second wife, Ottavia Busia, once woke up in the middle of the night in angst, thinking a strange man was in her bed, but it was just her husband who got in late. Like his relationship with Putkoski, his workload primarily contributed to the end of this marriage as well.
The Divorce from Nancy Putkoski Set Anthony Bourdain on a Downward Spiral
The woman who grew up in the northern suburbs of New Jersey could not see the "trickiness" that came with fame, Putkoski also said:
"I'm big on shared experiences, which I'd thought had bulletproofed our partnership... We'd been through an awful lot of stuff together, a lot of it not so great, a lot of it wonderful fun."
Regarding Bourdain's version of events, she stated that her ex is "pretty dramatic" and that life can "look bleak" when looking back at it.
Karen Rinaldi, the editor of "Kitchen Confidential," backed this sentiment by saying that Bourdain romanticized some of his experiences as an addict.
Years after their split, the "Parts Unknown" presenter still saw Putkoski's move to end their marriage as a "great betrayal." After the divorce, he went to the Caribbean, which they frequented during their time together.
During his time on the islands, Anthony Bourdain admits that he did not value his life and behaved in a reckless and "suicidal way." He drove under irresponsible circumstances and misused substances.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org.
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